I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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