He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
