I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
