Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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