dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
