your thong is hanging out like whoa
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
