I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
