Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
