remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sex in the backyard? Check.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
