if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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