Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
