Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she told me i tasted like america
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
