Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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