i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
