im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
