What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
