we made out on top of his cat.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
