I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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