My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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