Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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