We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
