she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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