You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
