nut hugger
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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