plz talk dirty to me
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
