when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
