I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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