A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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