My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
