I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
