just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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