I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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