Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
