I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I could fuck to npr.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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