advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
