And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I want is dick and wine.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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