At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
