Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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