I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
