This is not my ceiling
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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