don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion