I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY