I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night