i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..