god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in