Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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