So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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