i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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