I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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