No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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