going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
