you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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