The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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