fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
