I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
