Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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