Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
