You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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