If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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