Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
