My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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