Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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