you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
