Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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