Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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