I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
