woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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