I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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