guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
