Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
