it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She's the barista slut.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
