My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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